Heartbreak
2023-03-25
My life is no longer full of you.All that remains are empty spaces.Holes from a family, life, and love that existed but you threw away. My heartbreak is endless, excruciating, and breathtaking.Continue Reading
First night without you
2023-03-25
This was my first night without you in years… I am in excruciating pain. Feeling so deeply wounded. So sick. I have been vomiting and having painful diarrhea for almost 24 hours. I miss you! I miss our 5 billion moments together every day and night! Continue Reading
Waking up next to you
2019-08-10
The day was emotional, long, full of heart filled conversation. Today was the closest I have ever felt to a happy and healthy family of my own and now I cannot sleep. It was a wonderful night and you are always amazing with my kids. Dinner at the table asContinue Reading
Another night alone…
2019-08-07
To start I bleached my kitchen completely. Then I bleached the dining room. Then I cleaned the floors by hand with bleach. Then got cleaned up and got in bed ALONE! Am I really so unwanted or unlovable? I refuse to drown my sad lonely feelings in random meaningless sexContinue Reading
Working every day to try and kill off the wife switch
2019-08-06
I have been a wife and mother most of my life. I have never had a time when I wasn’t raising kids or taking care of a full household like a wife. This is the first time I am really NOT a wife and it feels virtually impossible to turnContinue Reading
My self-destruct button
2019-08-05
Several years ago when I was feeling really bad about myself I met a guy who was really easy to have sex with and nothing else. No relationship, no chatting, nothing more than crazy rough semi-abusive sex and poof he would be gone. I wouldn’t need to do any ofContinue Reading
Another lonely night
2019-08-04
Why am I not single? I just don’t understand why not just be single because I spend 65% of my time alone and almost every night of the week in bed alone so why am I dating Leo? I get so lonely at night and it is really hard toContinue Reading
The less I talk = the further from the relationship I am
2019-08-03
I am a very verbal person and I don’t pull any punches about that fact. I need that verbal connection and I need it regularly. I honestly tell everyone that the more I feel unable to communicate with a person the more out of the relationship I will be. LeoContinue Reading
An early morning note…
2019-07-06
Woke up with Leo in bed next to me… and wanting to have sex. I am always up for some sex but this morning really felt like a: he needed to finish and not go to work loaded… Whatever, we had sex a little bit and then he finished alone…Continue Reading
Prepared for the leave…
2019-06-29
I am already prepared for the moment you leave me…Already hardening my heart and foresee you leaving me in the future to go back to her. In that vision I have you leave me and return to her only to realize my love is, was, and would always leave youContinue Reading
Waiting
2019-06-18
I keep waiting for you to show up.Waiting for you to show your love for me.Hoping that how I show up for you will be how you show up for me.Promises that you will call and then no calls received.Promises that you will show up and spend time with meContinue Reading
Alone again
2019-06-17
What good is being in a relationship with someone when I end up alone every night? I feel like I am still seeing Joe! Always something better to do than to spend time with me. Always more important things going on. More priorities that are on the list while IContinue Reading
Bad day with Leo
2019-06-15
Today I left him alone knowing that he had 3 lacrosse games for Elyjah in Canandaigua and then when I heard from him it was very short sounding so I replied in kind. He was very upset and when I dropped by around 9:30pm to give him the Father’s DayContinue Reading
Dating in your 40’s…
2019-01-01
When you are in your 40’s and a single mother of 5 kids that range from 5 up to 22 years of age dating is not an exciting prospect. You are virtually starting your life over and finally think you are ready for the dating scene… Backstory: I was marriedContinue Reading