To start I bleached my kitchen completely.
Then I bleached the dining room.
Then I cleaned the floors by hand with bleach.
Then got cleaned up and got in bed ALONE!
Am I really so unwanted or unlovable? I refuse to drown my sad lonely feelings in random meaningless sex but I really want to right now! It would help me make these feelings disappear! It is however a form of self abuse!
I use meaningless sex to stop me from having feelings of any type… it is such and unhealthy cooping mechanism. I haven’t done it in a long time but lately I have really been wanting to push the self-destruct button! Literally punch the fuck out of the button!