An early morning note…

Woke up with Leo in bed next to me… and wanting to have sex. I am always up for some sex but this morning really felt like a: he needed to finish and not go to work loaded… Whatever, we had sex a little bit and then he finished alone… That is how our sex life is a lot now. Then he got up got dressed, he said goodbye, pecked me on the cheek then on the lips and left.

So… tell me how I am not supposed to think we are just a summer fling?

He sends mixed signals all over the place!

Spend lots of time with the kids and I, do family things, help around the house, talk about making plans

But: refuse to talk about where our relationship is going, if we are in the same place with our feelings, if we are wanting and hoping for similar things to come from us…

I am feeling just so sad about this all… I am trying to hard to pull back on my feelings and see that this will possibly be over before the end of summer. It is just so hard to crush myself. I have spent a lot of my life crushing my feelings and for the first time I am having an extremely hard time doing it!

This is all especially painful when my 7 year old loves him and wants us to get married! She is constantly speaking about how we should get married. I have already told her no, it isn’t going to happen, I am not going to marry him, we will never get married… She just keeps insisting that he is the person I should marry and live with.

Last night she even said: Mom, I am not going to get upset about you going out because you and Leo need adult time. It makes my heart hurt because she really needs that healthy, happy, joyful male in her life and he has become that over the past 6 months. There has been a lot of adjustment but she is investing… she is 7. She has yet to learn that most guys lead you on, toy with your heart and emotions, use you and throw you away when they are ready to move onto something they think is better.

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