Written around 1997-1999
Now, to start I want to tell you that the page this is linked to was the beginning of a great learning experience! I have read that page so many times with a great deal of tears until I talked to someone that really made me think. When thinking about a love between a man and women that lasts the first thing that comes to mind is the trust issue. So many people are concerned about all of the other issues that can be a big deal but in terms of great love they don’t matter! The things that I am talking about are:
Sex,
Looks,
Money,
Communication,
Love
Sex
When it comes to lasting relationships and sex there are so many different things involved. One of the largest is chemistry BUT chemistry doesn’t have anything to do with looks. Chemistry is a feeling when you look into the eyes of the person you are with and feel like there are only the two of you in the world together. Another part of sex in long-term relationships is the lust, which shouldn’t be confused with love! Lust is a great part of everything. People say that lust can get you into trouble but when you combine lust with love you have a great combination when it comes to love making. Well now we get to the final part of sex in a relationship. I call it compatibility. Basically what I mean by this is your ability to talk and communicate. Which are both two very different things!
Looks
Looks are so negotiable. Of course the first impression is very important BUT looks involve more than breast size, body type, and all of that. Looks are more about cleanliness. Wouldn’t you rather be with someone who you can tell washes and takes care of them self? I have been a very good person when it comes to judging people. The first things that I look at have always been hair, nails and clothes. If a person’s hair is all dirty that is more important than if they are 110 pound or 210. So many people change in relationships. It has been the long running joke that people stack on the pounds and get tired through out a relationship and I believe in some instances that it is very true. The thing is to stick with your love. Never issue ultimatums or orders to change appearances because chances are that you have both changed!
Money
Now money issues are one of the biggest things that create problems in relationships. There is only one thing I can say about money in relationships and that is:
Money comes and goes but great love can last forever!
Like I said in that statement money means nothing at the end of life. At the end of everything the one wish I have is that I will have loved greatly and been loved just as much back. If you lost everything that is material and still had the person you loved you wouldn’t have lost a thing!
Communication
Communication along with trust is the biggest parts in a relationship! Good and bad communication can make or break a relationship. If you are scared of certain things in regards to your partner then you shouldn’t be with them! For example: One day, while I was married, I was sick and had to drive to the doctor. I put my kids in the car and then got in myself putting my seat belt on and starting the car. I looked in all of my mirrors to make sure that there was nothing around and I could back up safely. Well I had missed something and right before I hit it I lost control of the car fearing the hit. I had hit the garbage can! Now even though the garbage can was plastic it had left a dent. Terrified of him screaming, calling me horrible things and hating me I tried to cover it up. I was more scared of him because of the dent that I was anything else. At that moment I could have fallen off the face of the earth and that would have been better than having to tell him what had happened. So knowing that my husband never really came home I knew that if I worked hard enough I could hide it and go at least a couple of months with out him knowing. I spent a lot of time crying in fear and then went to my friend to have it fixed. NOW, if he could have ever just stopped and listened to me with out anger in his eyes I wouldn’t have needed to hide anything BUT because of his anger and ability to blow up at me with a snap of my fingers I lied and was deceitful. This is the person that I was with him because I feared him so. We had no communication! NONE! If only you could listen and understand the statement that I have heard and believe “We need to speak with out offending and listen with out defending!” If you can live by that and follow that in relationships you will have such a better love.
Love
Everyone says love but there are so many versions of love! There is the love that stands through time and space. There is the love that is purely physical. There is the love that is purely platonic. There is a big difference between all of them. There is also the FIRST LOVE! That is a little of everything all in one. The first love is one of the most powerful of every love you could imagine. **To make it clear though your first love isn’t always the first person you date for a week.** There is more to it. The main point of it is that love is: amazing, spectacular, makes you have those butterflies in your stomach, and is just one of the best thing in the world when it is given back.
End All, Be All:
Everyone wants to love someone and be loved but there is so much more than love to being with someone. It takes a lot of listening, respecting, communication, trust, and love. Fear has driven me away from a lot of things. In the beginning, with my first love, the fear of dealing with his drug problem drove me away from him. In the second love, there was the fear of leaving him that kept making me allow the horrible person that he was to me. Even now as I have been writing this page there is a great realization that I am still fearful of everything. There is still that fear to be happy with someone which really scares me BUT that isn’t the only fear! I know it doesn’t have to be anything serious but with two kids isn’t it? After the fear from my marriage I can’t tell a guy that being with someone nice is the biggest fear that drives me. Part of me is scared to be happy because I really don’t want my heart broke again.