This afternoon I had therapy. I had an amazing realization… Yesterday I had court and my ex, John, was in court using the phone. It was an odd situation to say the least but then when he requested our new address and the Judge said he was not inclined to give it to him he began to get aggitated. You could hear his voice getting louder, his ton getting angrier, his everything turning into that angry abusive crazy guy.
My body did something I don’t remember ever feeling before:
I felt pain and cramping in my stomach. I felt sick. My body felt tensed up. My eyes started to tear up and my mind started to unfocus.
Back to the point of this post, which is my realization at therapy… How I felt yesterday at court when he started getting upset on the phone is my PTSD triggered anxiety, panic, terror… it is how these things normally feel from how I am understanding it now! I have never felt that before. I have always had continuous anxiety and panic so when my PTSD was triggered it wouldn’t feel like a HUGE leap inside my body. Yesterday felt like I was physically thrown off a bridge when the emotions were triggered! This is what safety feels like?!? The ability to breath and feel secure and safe is AWESOME!
Completely abuse free is the bombdiggity!