What abuse can look like

When people are asking me questions about my abusive marriages it is funny because some of the people make faces as if what I have lived with isn’t abusive really.  Here is the thing with abuse:  It can come in many forms and from any relationship.  Examples from my life:

My mother was one of my first abusers.  It was a neglect and physically abusive relationship.  The last incident was around 8 months old when my father found me covered in my own pee and poo crying.  I looked like I had been there alone at least 24 hours when he found me.  My father cleaned me up, dropped me off at my Ma’s house, and then searched for and found my mom.  He then beat my mother and was arrested.

My father was sadistic, mental warfare master, physical abuser extraordinar.  He would wake me up in the middle of the night by pulling me out of bed by my hair.  He would drag me downstairs and kick me, punch me, scream at me, hit me with objects.  He hit me with everything he could grab.  I have been beaten with belts, golfclubs, fists, and a ton of other items.  I would say the sky is really blue today and he would tell me the sky isn’t blue it is orange.  I would insist it was blue and he would yell at me and force me to acknowledge that it was orange like he was telling me.  He burned me with a waffle iron telling me it wasn’t hot and forcing me to touch it proving it wasn’t hot.  He taught me the game called knives as he explained it right before he played knives with my fingers.  He ripped my earings out of my ears which ripped my skin.  He was neglectful when I was seriously injured.  He had drugs in our house, beat my step mothers, and was a crazy abuser.  He actually seemed to take pleasure in tag team beatings on me when he was married to his second wife.  They would both beat on me and I would attend school covered in welts and bruises all over under my clothes.

My first husband was a physical abuser as well.  He was a cheater, abuser, rapist, and all around mean guy.  I cannot even say now 22 years later that I saw any signs until the night we got married by force from my father.  That night he kicked me in my 7 month pregnant belly.  I was still not really broken then and I punched him back.  That was the first and last time I stood up for myself in that relationship.  He would have me on the ground in a ball and be kicking me no matter who was looking.  He once beat me to a pulp infront of his brothers who were under 10 at the time.  When he decided he wanted out of the sham marriage he almost killed our son who had to be resuscitated by the ambulance crew.

My second husband was not a physical abuser for the most part but he was a verbal, mental, emotional, sexual, and physically threatening.  He was the type of guy who would put his hands in your face as he was screaming with a loud boom in your face.  He would call us every awful thing in the book.  He would bring up my abusive past to hurt me during his rages.  He would put his hands on my son and threaten him.  Call him a retard.  He would call our kids stupid pieces of shit.  He would tell me if I ever tried to leave he would take my kids from me and I would never see them again.  His mother would tell me not to leave him.  Please don’t divorce my son because he is awful and I don’t want him back.  His exs would tell me that he threatened to blow his head off with a shotgun when they tried to leave.  He told me he was going to kill himself in the basement if I left.

For over 38 years I was constantly in abusive relationships!  Surrounded by many abusive people.  They were either mentally, emotionally, or physically abusive!

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