The abuse cycle from my past

My oldest daughter is about to turn 22 years old and she has never, since I took custody, been abused by me.  I was abused my whole life, my father was abused, his father was most likely abused as well.  As far as more family history about abuse I am unsure…  it is not really something people write about for generations to come.

There are so many events from my childhood that have changed the trajectory of my life.

All childhood traumas:

My father tried to drown me in the bathtub.  One day I was taking a bath and he charged into the bathroom, put both hands on my head, and then held me under the water.  I was flailing and freaking out under the water.

This has left me with a 32 year long terror of water and drowning!  I am going to start working on my complete fear of water.  It is one of my goals now that I am completely abuse free.  I think it negatively impacts my kids that I am terrified of water.  I want them to love and enjoy being in the water!

My father shoved me off the top of a small staircase, head first, into a snowbank.  I was trapped and sobbing upside down for what felt like hours.  It was only a few minutes but I was covered in

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