Some entries are half-written thoughts.
Not because I do not want to finish writing a specific entry but because I think of a secondary topic that I want to get down on paper immediately. For example this entry…
When the movie Cheaper by the Dozen starts I always get a bit sad-hearted. Movies make love, relationships, marriage, family, all of it look so different than anything I ever saw. I think that it sets our society up for relationship and marriage failures. I know that for a time it set me up for emotional distress.
I don’t know that I ever expected perfection in any relationship but I know that I expected undying loyalty and that forever person to make it into my life. That guy who would stay forever because I am worth staying for no matter what happened. That guy who saw past my hurts and breaks and loved me in part because of who they made me! The guy who every so often did the BIG gesture as a reminder of how he felt about me even when he knows that I already know. (Not some crazy big thing but something silly like that random show up unexpectedly to surprise me, send me a flower, randomly plan a dinner… that kind of thing)
This guy never came.
Was I never ready for him?
Did I never actually want him?
Did he come and I was too distracted by the wrong guy to notice him and he ended up gone?