For most of my life, I have been a hardcore gamer. My definition of being a hardcore gamer is a person who spends time strategizing, building, enjoying gaming. The typical gaming choice for me is strategic wargames. I used to love Age of Empires (all the versions), GoW, and similar games.
If you know anything about gaming you know that typically in the type of games I play it is a lot about family inside the game! You grow with these people, become friends, share your life struggles and successes, you work a lot together planning and enjoying the war zone.
Recently I have been playing a game called Mafia City. I really enjoy the game and have become very successful in the city I play. Making friends, sharing our lives, and building my gaming family!
Now to the situation that caused me to relapse and pop my hate for myself/sex cherry…
There were several people I became very close too in the game and out of the game.
Now that everyone has been identified we can identify gamer names:
Wilma was known by several different names in her gaming life… Tuttle, Queen Tutt. Robert was known as Tiny, Tiny TipToes. Brian was Titan Warman, Titan, Titan War Man, Flyguy. Sean was BrokenSkullz.
So exactly what happened is a bit to type us so bear with me if I type on for a while about it all…
I followed 3T and QT (Robert is 3T short for Tiny TipToes, and Wilma is QT short for Queen Tutt) to a new city in the game Mafia City. A bunch of our clan was made up of people from our old city that had been overrun by mindless drones of a girl who spent way too much to own the city! As we are building this new city and the clan is growing in numbers I came across a guy in a different clan who I thought might make a great addition to our family. BrokenSkullz or as most called him in game Skullz. He joined our family and was instantly a great addition! If I am being honest from the first time I looked over his stats I felt drawn to having him. He didn’t have a photo or a really good looking account but something was drawing me to this person! Very soon we were flirting and I was feeling sweet on his personality. We were flirting in public chat as well as in-game emails. It was pretty cute and silly! I was, however, feeling more and more drawn to this stranger!
After about 2 weeks he had a bad day and was very quiet and distant from everyone. He was telling me he liked me but on this day when I was trying to ask him what was wrong he had nothing to say to me and everything to say to QT! In the meantime, Titan is telling me that Skullz has a wife and they are having marriage problems. I start backing away from Skullz because I would NEVER give a guy a second thought if he is in any relationship!
I HONOR THE GIRL CODE!!!
Respect for other women and yourself! Never put yourself in another couple’s relationship if not for the couple but at least for your own self-respect.
To Continue: Skullz and I have a disagreement because he insinuates in clan chat that I wanted to (to be crass and accurate) fuck a member of our crew named FukFace. I sent him a private email telling him his comments were hurtful and offensive. I had made a flirty comment to him not Face. Next thing I know he leaves the clan and says he is quitting. I leave and am upset with everything. Titan talks me into coming back and I am actually happy and glad that I came back. From this point on I am playing and growing in the game. Titan and I are basically the night crew. We are building and burning everyone down who is in our way. It is a blast! All of us except Skullz are friends on Facebook and 3T, QT and I talk on the phone every so often. As more time passes another similar instance happens and we both leave again. He was publicly making another nasty comment about me fucking this one or that one. I was actually crying at this time because it had hurt me. Not that I was overly invested in Skullz but because I was emotionally invested in all of these people and the clan we were building!
Last weekend Skullz in clan chat said something insinuating I was having some kind of torrid relationship with a teenage member of our clan. He didn’t want to be near me because this teenager was keeping me warm and whatever. I had pretty much had enough of the “Wicked 4” at this point and in public told him Fuck you! He kept making hurtful jokes and I just kept getting more angry with him. Then I left the game for a little bit to take stock in what had happened and my disappointment at my reaction! Did I have a right to be angry? Absolutely! Did I have the right to disrespect him like that in clan chat? No. I had choices and they were to block him, leave, ask that he leave… I behaved badly. I logged into my farm account and was doing some work on it when I saw someone ask why I was upset to which Skullz replied that I was on my time of the month! My top popped then… Go fuck yourself Skullz, I don’t have a time of the month anymore. I am pissed because you are an asshole! And I kept going as he kept making stupid comments.
In true Skullz tradition, he left the clan again! Then came back again! I didn’t leave because I knew how much it confused and upset everyone last time I reacted so hastily. I am trying to just breath and calm down so that when the time comes a productive conversation can occur.
THAT CONVERSATION NEVER HAPPENS!!!
I am getting all of these emails from Titan… Discussing how I have a reputation as being a slut. Everyone was mad at me because of the night before I was discussing my sex life… But honestly, we all discussed everything all the time. He said Skullz was upset because I was dating and having sex. Titan was upset because I was dating and having sex! Seriously? Titan then goes further… He starts telling me that 3T, QT, and Skullz have had private chats with him about how I am trash and not worth having as a friend. He said and I quote: Those 3 have been telling me for a while now that you aren’t worth us having as a friend. You aren’t worth us keeping around for any reason. Then he says he really has always liked me but he thinks now he agrees that I am not worth the words he was typing. The nasty continues as he explains that I was only humored (paraphrase) and kept there because I was always protecting the crew and growing. I said you come at an Italian girl with all this nasty and you expect a conversation is going to happen? To which he replies that I am not even .2% Italian. He knows a lot of Italian girls and I don’t have the skin color like an Italian. He calls me a liar. They all know I am a liar. I start, of course, arguing the point! He then says everyone knows I haven’t had sex and it was all a lie! I couldn’t get someone to have sex with me! I am a liar, traitor, and trash!
I am telling him at this point to leave me alone. Stop talking to me Titan! Leave me alone. I am going to be leaving so just leave me alone. He gets back on an hour later and starts calling me a liar! He is laughing at me and calling me a liar on and on. I am telling him I didn’t lie about anything! Finally, I tell him if he keeps talking to me I will stay just to spite him! I am crying at how cruel he is being and I just can’t understand what I did… I send him a message on facebook asking him why he is so angry at me… What did I do Titan? We have been great friends and then all of a sudden all of you hate me… I don’t understand what I did to anyone? To which he implies I am a traitor! Then he blocks me on facebook. I then send out an email to all the clan explaining that I am leaving because of (paraphrasing) being bullied and treated like shit by a few main members. I am about ready to tag out of the clan and join a new group when he starts laughing at me about throwing myself a pity party and only 2 members of the crew actually care that I am leaving. Nobody else by vote wanted me there for a long time! They don’t want a liar, traitor, whore with them!
I join a new crew and Titan tells the new crew that I am a whore on a public page that everyone in the game can view. I see the screenshots where he is threatening my new leader that if they keep me it will be war. I am reading him saying that I am a traitor, liar, whore, a piece of trash, nothing but trouble. If my new leader wants to know everything Tiny or QT can tell him all the details. I, according to him, tried to sleep with several clan members, tried to get with a teenager, and they were all ready to chat with him about all of these behaviors.
You know what is frustrating? My behavior became very reactionary. I was triggered because of all the abuse I have experienced in my life when they all ganged up on me and were verbally abusive I started running only on reactionary behaviors. I was heartbroken! I was disgusted! I was furious that once again in my life people who are not good people were trashing me and my character!
I was angry with myself for reacting so meanly, angry at myself for letting these people into my heart, angry for allowing them to make me feel tiny and like a loser! What people get off on doing that to someone? I didn’t get mean and hurtful back until they all had really crossed the line. <— My behavior was still wrong!
I have been wishing I could apologize to Robert and Wilma for my words not because I ever want to speak to them again but for what I did next…
I pulled the “Mom” card…
I was behaving in a reactionary way and texted Robert and Wilma throwing every awful thing they ever said, about troubles in their lives, in their faces! I then proceeded to pull the “Mom” card and was purposely hurtful, cruel, nasty, and just beyond wrong!
Just because someone wrongs you…
Just because someone purposely tries to hurt you…
Just because they took NO time to really know the truth…
Just because the had mean, hurtful, cruel, and treacherous intentions for weeks…
Just because there were plotting against you…
Does NOT mean there is the right to respond in a way that is cruel and nasty! I had no right. Do I hope they all get found out for exactly whom they are individually and together? OOOOH YES, Absolutely! Do I think that they deserve a lesson? SOOO MUCH! Do I KNOW there will come a time when they regret how they throw people in the trash? OH yeah, they will!
Sooooo, no more pulling the “Mom” card!
It doesn’t matter how badly someone is intentionally trying to hurt me! Also, I need to detach my heart from my sleeve!
Now with the story as complete as it can be on here now… I am going to say good riddance to bad people. I don’t have to think of them or any of the hate they spew after this post is published.