It was a great night of course, yet again… Then all of us, including Leo, went to my house and bedtime ritual! Leo got in my bed and I was pleasantly surprised thinking WOW does he actually like it here?
Oh but wait let me backtrack to earlier in the day:
I posted a ring that I saw on Facebook. It was beyond amazing and was an antique engagement ring. Of course I didn’t think twice when I reposted a picture of it and said how beautiful I thought it was. Was I thinking about getting engaged? Not even for a second. But then as the comments started pouring in from people about how gorgeous it was I noted it was NOT mine but I saw it and loved it. My 22 year old daughter chimed in. SS below: (I blacked out names but noted a D next to my daughter and an M next to myself)
From this Leo called me and said “Oh, so nobody wants to marry you?” In the past 8 months he went from wanting to date me, scared because he was falling in love with me, cheating on me but NOT cheating on me because we weren’t boyfriend and girlfriend… ALTHOUGH we were exclusive!, to wanting to see if we work well together, to we are having fun why change things, to he doesn’t want to move in with me because he hates my place, to this!?!?!?! Seriously?!? Yeah nobody wants to marry me! Go fuck yourself… I am not a Yo-Yo. I am a human being and I will not play this you love me and want to be with me but you don’t want to be more than what we are right now!
So I digress… We are now in bed, all the kids are sleeping and we start having sex. Everything is nice and enjoyable THEN a medical drama comes on the TV and you have to stop to look. Ummmm, okay. Then I make some kind of silly comment about how great he is to which he replies ehh, your not to bad. That was the end of our night as he watched the rest of this episode and then fell asleep. I sucked it up to not cry from feeling hurt… Why is it so hard for him to pay me a compliment? He never says I like you or you are great, funny, cute, beautiful… none of that. I mean yeah I get those in text format but I NEED real life NOT digital bull crap. Give me reality every day of the week! Tonight Leo met some of my friends he hadn’t met yet and he said he was taking my 7 year old to her cheerleading thing on Sunday while I take my twins to a different location for flag football and cheerleading. Why does he pull me in and push me away all with the same hand/arm?
The hurt and frustration just keeps building and there will be a time for sure when I walk away. I just hate that it is going to hurt so many people when I walk.