End my relationships with a few key people that I think are negatively impacting my feelings about myself and others. The people include:
Anthony (my best friend)
Brian (need to return drill first)
There are many people in my life. I have people that have known me since I was a small child, people who I picked up along the way, and new friends… I also have friends that I met during my years gaming that have stayed in my life for years because they are awesome people.
Joe Smith is a new addition to my list of friends. I met his at the begining of this year and we sexually hit it off. Over the past 6 months I have come to learn a lot about him but also found that as a person I don’t like him at all. He was my car repair guy and so he had met everyone in my life for the most part. To me however he seems like a user, player, thief, and just not a positive person to have in my life. I have as of writing this wanted him out of my life for a while but not been able to stick to it. I will be getting him out now! Starting today!
Brian is the person who introduced me to Joe. I have known Brian because of mutual friends for almost 2 years. He is a great guy but I think he is an alcoholic so I didn’t ever want to spend time with him or have him around anyone in my life. I will be making arrangements to give him back his hand drill that I borrowed this week. After that I will be ending any communication with him which includes unfriending him on facebook. He has a negative way about communicating and can be very nasty when drinking which is very often.
Last but the most important: Anthony… I think I have spent almost every day loving him since I was around 10 years old. Ending all contact and relationship will be the hardest. He is the only person in my life, ever, who knows every secret I have and still loved the person I am! Thing is I have used our past as a crutch to not allow myself to find someone and actually be happy. I have held onto him and kept him in my heart in some form or another which has left no room to recover, change, or grow. I do love him because he has never thought I was less. So many people find out about my past and look at me differently… I am broken, damaged, something must be wrong with me because of my past. While this might be true in part I chose abusers because it was all I had ever known. I am learning differently now and need room to grow. Anthony, I will always love you as my best friend. That will never change but I cannot keep you in my life anymore.
Good luck to me!