Is my current paranoia real or not? I have always lived with a certain amount of paranoia from my childhood trauma.  I usually am pretty good about knowing that my paranoia is not real but lately I am just certain that my paranoia is spot on! Here it is inContinue Reading

As many already know I am all about growth and self analysis although I do also attend regular therapy.  In relationships I am typically the inexperienced person because I have NOT had really any healthy relationships.  All of my past is riddled with a ton of every type of abuse.Continue Reading

The day was emotional, long, full of heart filled conversation. Today was the closest I have ever felt to a happy and healthy family of my own and now I cannot sleep. It was a wonderful night and you are always amazing with my kids. Dinner at the table asContinue Reading

To start I bleached my kitchen completely. Then I bleached the dining room. Then I cleaned the floors by hand with bleach. Then got cleaned up and got in bed ALONE! Am I really so unwanted or unlovable? I refuse to drown my sad lonely feelings in random meaningless sexContinue Reading

I have been a wife and mother most of my life. I have never had a time when I wasn’t raising kids or taking care of a full household like a wife. This is the first time I am really NOT a wife and it feels virtually impossible to turnContinue Reading

Self-Destruct Button

Several years ago when I was feeling really bad about myself I met a guy who was really easy to have sex with and nothing else. No relationship, no chatting, nothing more than crazy rough semi-abusive sex and poof he would be gone. I wouldn’t need to do any ofContinue Reading

Why am I not single? I just don’t understand why not just be single because I spend 65% of my time alone and almost every night of the week in bed alone so why am I dating Leo? I get so lonely at night and it is really hard toContinue Reading

I am a very verbal person and I don’t pull any punches about that fact. I need that verbal connection and I need it regularly. I honestly tell everyone that the more I feel unable to communicate with a person the more out of the relationship I will be. LeoContinue Reading

Last night we decided to take all of the kids to a drive-in movie at Vintage Drive-in. They were showing Lion King and Aladdin. The night was off to a bit of a rocky start as Leo’s son was not happy about eating the pulled chicken I made for everyoneContinue Reading

Black and white: I think of relationships like this… If a couple loves each other  ->   I love you, think you love me. If a couple can agree on the fundamentals (not in order of importance): Lifestyle (Housing, cleanliness, personal hygiene, etc) Children (parenting styles, discipline, priorities, etc) Future (goalsContinue Reading

So Leo and I have been dating almost 6 months now… We have had a ton of great laughs, great sex, fun family times, and amazingly long depthful talks. It has been a wonderful time BUT in every relationship progress needs to happen, “real” discussions need to occur, bare transparencyContinue Reading

I have never been a bullshiter. I am very good at saying what I need and want from the people around me. With that in mind if I say I need communication, regular kisses, regular sex, 2+ nights a week sleeping together… I will give clarification if needed but thenContinue Reading