Is my current paranoia real or not? I have always lived with a certain amount of paranoia from my childhood trauma.  I usually am pretty good about knowing that my paranoia is not real but lately I am just certain that my paranoia is spot on! Here it is inContinue Reading

As many already know I am all about growth and self analysis although I do also attend regular therapy.  In relationships I am typically the inexperienced person because I have NOT had really any healthy relationships.  All of my past is riddled with a ton of every type of abuse.Continue Reading

The day was emotional, long, full of heart filled conversation. Today was the closest I have ever felt to a happy and healthy family of my own and now I cannot sleep. It was a wonderful night and you are always amazing with my kids. Dinner at the table asContinue Reading

To start I bleached my kitchen completely. Then I bleached the dining room. Then I cleaned the floors by hand with bleach. Then got cleaned up and got in bed ALONE! Am I really so unwanted or unlovable? I refuse to drown my sad lonely feelings in random meaningless sexContinue Reading

I have been a wife and mother most of my life. I have never had a time when I wasn’t raising kids or taking care of a full household like a wife. This is the first time I am really NOT a wife and it feels virtually impossible to turnContinue Reading

Self-Destruct Button

Several years ago when I was feeling really bad about myself I met a guy who was really easy to have sex with and nothing else. No relationship, no chatting, nothing more than crazy rough semi-abusive sex and poof he would be gone. I wouldn’t need to do any ofContinue Reading

Why am I not single? I just don’t understand why not just be single because I spend 65% of my time alone and almost every night of the week in bed alone so why am I dating Leo? I get so lonely at night and it is really hard toContinue Reading

I am a very verbal person and I don’t pull any punches about that fact. I need that verbal connection and I need it regularly. I honestly tell everyone that the more I feel unable to communicate with a person the more out of the relationship I will be. LeoContinue Reading

I have never been a bullshiter. I am very good at saying what I need and want from the people around me. With that in mind if I say I need communication, regular kisses, regular sex, 2+ nights a week sleeping together… I will give clarification if needed but thenContinue Reading

After 1 minute that lasted 8+ hours Leo calls me and while I am agitated at things from my day it didn’t help that you got upset at every word I said! Then I was an asshole and abruptly got off the phone: Okay have a good night, phone hangup!Continue Reading

Every time I feel like we are making progress he does something so clearly to make me feel like no progress has been made. Perfect example: Several nights in a row he has called, and showed up… He even surprised me with dinner the one night. Both nights he fellContinue Reading

Woke up with Leo in bed next to me… and wanting to have sex. I am always up for some sex but this morning really felt like a: he needed to finish and not go to work loaded… Whatever, we had sex a little bit and then he finished alone…Continue Reading