2 am on a Tuesday morning
What is keeping me up all night long right now? What is the traditional path of dating? I guess I just can’t stop wondering how Leo really feels about me? Does he really love me or how does he really feel? How do we change the path we are onContinue Reading
Nightmare from last night
When I awoke this morning I could very clearly remember my dream that turned into a nightmare! Leo and I were together and he surprised me with a wedding proposal! I was overjoyed and beyond in love with him and excited to say yes! Then all of a suddenContinue Reading
Half thoughts
Some entries are half-written thoughts. Not because I do not want to finish writing a specific entry but because I think of a secondary topic that I want to get down on paper immediately. For example this entry… When the movie Cheaper by the Dozen starts I always get aContinue Reading
Our first “family” trip
Yesterday we went up to Niagara Falls, Canada. Leo, Elyjah (his 9-year-old son), Jordan (my 7-year-old daughter), Hannah & John (my 5-year-old twins), and me. We traveled separately and the 3 kids and I arrived about an hour ahead of the guys. When Leo and his son arrived they metContinue Reading
Welcome to my new journal!
I decided to start an online journal to track my thoughts, growth, emotional changes, situational habits, stressors, and different things that are going on with the kids that might be causing me to have a hard time. I have found that since the kids started discussing the possibility ofContinue Reading
Cousin Nino’s Wedding
Today my cousin Nino is getting married to this amazing and beautiful lady he met just about a year ago. She is hysterical and they are awesome together. I cannot wait to attend and photograph all of the moments that they will keep forever. Leo is taking the boys toContinue Reading
Leo in my life for 2 months
Lets weigh out the Leo BS: Pros: He is great with the kids He is fun We go out on dates The sex is fucking phenomenal I love his son I love his family His family is great to me and the kids I honestly believe he is a goodContinue Reading
Girlfriend status
LOL, well I have officially reached girlfriend status and it felt more like I was pulling his teeth. He is the first and only guy in my entire dating life that has NOT seemed to really want to be my boyfriend! WTF is that? Is he too good for meContinue Reading
SPCC
In the Rochester, NY area we have an organization called SPCC (The society for the protection and care of children) which have a program referred to as Therapeutic Visitation. This type of visitation was court ordered for my kids in order for them to have any visits with their dad.Continue Reading
And Leo loves me… Umm yeah
Today Leo said he loves me. Am I a complete asshole for #1 not believing him and #2 I love him? I want to just jump completely in with him but all I have heard since Val is that he has been really crushed in his past relationships and needsContinue Reading
Doing a Medusa
So I came up with a new term today: Doing a Medusa! I was talking to a friend of mine and trying to explain to her what it is like in my head and the visualization of it reminded me of Medusa and how she has all of those snakesContinue Reading
Decision made on the Val topic
After a ton of soul searching and thinking I made a firm choice to let Val go. I am unsure I can forget but I am working on forgiving. My thought process is this: I wanted to self destruct our relationship at least a dozen times before he hit theContinue Reading
The cheating bastard who seems like a great guy…
Last month I met this guy name Leon (Leo) and we started “dating”. We discussed that we were exclusive and I spent a few nights at his place and he also spent a few nights at my place. We have also gone on several dates. We have gone out aboutContinue Reading
Leon John White (Leo)
In January I met a guy named Leon. We started talking on Plenty of Fish. Weird huh? We started seeing each other and although I thought we were exclusive he slept with an ex-girlfriend Valarie a few weeks after we started going out on dates and having sex. IContinue Reading
Pebbles
Today I went in for an easy surgical procedure to remove several masses from under my scalp. It was nerve racking especially since I just found out in the middle of the night that Leo is a fucking cheating bastard. More on that tomorrow…Continue Reading
Me defined
With my honesty check list done I need to say that does NOT define me! All of those things have definitely changed a lot about my life trajectory, my personality, my breaks that still need to be healed… BUT they do not define who I am today or who IContinue Reading
An honesty check list:
About me… I have been physically abused. Physical abuse in my life included: bats, golf clubs, belts, waffle irons, fists, kicks, and almost anything that could be used to hit someone with and inflict pain. I have been sexually abused. Sexual abuse in my life included: being raped by aContinue Reading
First date
Last night I went on a first date with a guy named Leo! We met on POF and when we met last night in person WOWza he was so good looking. I insisted on a movie although he said it wasn’t a great first date thing… We had a greatContinue Reading
New Year new things to come
This year I am not starting with a resolution… I am starting with a promise to stay positive. Keeping myself in a positive mindset even if things feel enormous at any given moment! I am promising to allow myself to feel the negative emotions, work on processing them, and remindContinue Reading
Dating in your 40’s…
When you are in your 40’s and a single mother of 5 kids that range from 5 up to 22 years of age dating is not an exciting prospect. You are virtually starting your life over and finally think you are ready for the dating scene… Backstory: I was marriedContinue Reading