Wanting to move and get out of this abusive hell state

I have traveled all over the country…  I have been in almost every state for at least a drive.  There are so many states I have loved for the way they look as well as based on the research I have done.  I have always wanted to move to Italy.  I cannot even think of a time that I didn’t want to live in Italy!

Italy, however, is not in the cards for the upcoming future.  I would like to move out of NYS though and considered North Carolina.  I like the Charlotte area of NC and possibly Tennessee or Arizona.  I have grown over the past few years to hate NYS more and more.  Not only does this state tax like crazy, NYS is full of control freaks in office, and everything else is going fast down hill.  This state is also not a great place when you are being abused, stalked, emotionally and physically threatened constantly!  This state does NOTHING to help those who are in desperate need of help from a batterer.

My truth is this and as of today I have not had much luck getting help:

I have a brilliant attorney.
My children had an attentive attorney.
My children had an honest and responsible supervisor for visitation.
My ex had a good attorney.
The judge was knowledgeable of the law and was honorable in not choosing sides.

All of the people involved in this case were doing the job they were charged with doing.

BUT… my case left me screwed on every level.

In New York State the laws are not put in place to assist victims of abuse escape the abuse.  They are put in place as black and white matters of law and if that gets you killed then so be it!  If you end up having your children stolen from you and they get abused it is what it is!  Nothing can be done!

My ex-husband battered and abused (verbally) all of the parties involved in my case.  He verbally attacked and tortured the judges clerk on a regular basis trying to get things that he wanted.  He did the same thing to my attorney, the kids’ attorney, the supervisor, and even his OWN attorney!  His attorney said multiple times that his client was violent and he knew his client was a bad guy.  Years later my ex is still verbally harassing and being awful to my attorney.  My ex is also telling me that he will kill our judge, the Honorable John B Gallagher, if he ever sees him out someplace.  My ex calls my attorney and says things like: I (referring to myself) don’t deserve the air that I breath, I am worthless, and the list goes on and on of really horrendous things.  My attorney has been forced to hang up on him multiple times because of his phone abuse.  That is not all…  He verbally abused and harassed the supervisor on multiple different occasions but the worst was on a single day he called her office at work EVERY 15 minutes for the full day and left screaming, threatening and swearing voicemails ALL day long!  He did the same to me on multiple occasions!  He did similar behaviors towards our children’s attorney not to that extreme but she related she was fearful of what he was going to do!  My attorneys office had a discussion and kept a lookout for him because of the threats at one point were to such an extreme.  On another occasion he got up into my attorneys face screaming and threatening her when she was supervising a property exchange.

Why didn’t he end up in jail for all of this???

None of them wanted to press charges.  In New York State if you press charges against someone or file a complaint against them you need to then recuse yourself from any ongoing cases you are involved in against that person.  It is considered a conflict of interest!  All of them were so worried about the kids and I having to start all over again with different representation and a different judge that they all refused to file charges against him!  That is BULL CRAP!

Even now they are still all refusing because it looks possible we might need to go back to court!  My attorney said she would make a note of everything he has been saying and doing but she will not move forward with anything because she wouldn’t be able to represent me.

After all of this there is STILL MORE!!!

It turned out that during our separation while I was working on the divorce he was destroying my credit completely!  My credit score before I left him, to protect my children and myself, I had a great credit score of over 780…  By the time I found out what he was doing my score was 403!

This is the letter I wrote recently asking for help with these things and more:

I wanted to know some information.

I have been physically, mentally, emotionally abused all of my life. When I left my home I married an abusive man. When I finally got away from him and my father I found myself struggling because the abuse to this day hasn’t ended (in one form or another). My ex-husband abused everyone in our divorce case and faced no consequences. Now he is still verbally abusing my attorney every so often.

I was constantly told: Christina, if we file complaints against him we would no longer be able to represent you or participate in your case. This would have been bad for myself and my children. I am still being told this is true that although he is calling my attorney and saying things that are relevant to abusive behavior that is not safe for our children nothing can be done because it would end my attorneys ability to represent me!

I NEED HELP! I need people to be able to say the truth! We, my 3 youngest children, and I NEED help! This is a ridiculous NYS policy! HOW CAN I GET HELP! I need the truth to be crystal clear to all. I need us to finally be safe! I need other people to NEVER experience the same violation of safety and security!

I was told I could change my SS# and name after, ONLY AFTER, the divorce was final to help me be free of him. He uses my SS# and name to track me! I followed the rules and regulations but after the divorce I was told I couldn’t change my name to something different… it would be announced in the paper! I had previously been assured I could do it and nobody would know! Then SS told me I should have changed the SS# before the divorce was final. Since I waited I was no longer able to change it!


He regularly runs my credit! He regularly has someone calling my, ONLY, friend and trying to trick them into giving away my phone number and other details about my life! He tells my attorney and anyone who will listen that I don’t deserve to breath! God forbid something ever happen to me at his hands this state wouldn’t care for my children! They would go into abusive hell!!!

HELP ME GET HELP! HELP ME FIND HELP! HELP ME PLEASE! We cannot live like this anymore!!!

I cannot be the only female with kids in NYS who is struggling like this with an abusive ex! Help!

Thank you

There is STILL MORE!!!…

The agreed upon order of protection back when this all finally ended was written and clear he was going to stay out of state for 3 years in order to avoid jail time for constantly violating the order of protection.  Wouldn’t you know it…  He was back after a year because SOMEONE made an error with the paperwork and wrote a 1 instead of a 3!!!

I wish I could get some REAL help to fix the things he has broken.  To honest to goodness fix our safety!  I want us to feel safe!  I want us to not worry about walking out our door!

He has family that works in the court system, that works for CPS, that works for the DMV (in management)… he has family that are higher up in New York State Sheriffs Department.  We count too!  He can’t be the only person in this situation that matters??!!??  Don’t my kids matter?  Or the attorneys?  Or the supervisor?  Or ME?!?!?!?

I am exhausted by all of it!  I wish someone would swoop here and help me fix things and get safe and not constantly scared!

AND he has started calling me from invalid numbers!  Constantly!  It is driving me crazy with frustration!  I think I need to get my number changed again… 8th time in under 2 years!

1 Comment

  1. Wow, he sounds like a real piece of work. I’m so sorry that you have gone through so much abuse in your life, first in your family and then in your marriage, and now after your marriage. Your ex is vindictive and unstable; a seriously scary situation to be in. Ugh the legal system has clearly failed you. Do you belong to any support groups for abused women?

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