Most people who have interacted with me for any amount of time would tell you that I am brilliant where I am brilliant and lack brains completely in other more simplistic areas.

Examples:

  1. I can find and remove a virus from your computer without using purchased software BUT I cannot understand car insurance (and I have had it explained by dozens of people from different walks of life!)
  2. I can perfect your home security and tech security BUT I cannot build a pre-drilled shelf!
  3. I can write a contract for a business with all the correct verbage BUT I cannot read a book!
  4. I can diagram and then create a full surround sound system for a 2000 sq ft home BUT I cannot understand simplistic tasks like putting air in your tires!
  5. I can type faster than most people I know BUT I cannot use both of my hands to do anything else!  I couldn’t learn to play the piano or other related things that need two hands.

It is so strange the difficult tasks I can complete without assistance and leave people mind boggled and my perfection upon completion YET the simple, every day, minuet things leave me dazed and confused!

So, when you love a guy…  He is a great guy in so many ways that are complimentary to myself but the areas where I am being hurt leave me unable to leave!  I keep trying and trying to leave and every time I end up so sick with loss that I beg him to not let me go!

What in the Sam Hill is wrong with me?!?!?

Can anyone explain to me why I continue to let myself hurt in ways that really do matter to me in order to avoid the inevitable pain that will come from walking away?

Some examples of where he hurts me:

  • This morning, WOW, he says to me he needs me in his life!  Awesome!  Makes me feel good and YAY!
    • A few hours later he doesn’t call me like he said he would, doesn’t respond to my texts, and doesn’t show up for our 1pm plans!
  • The other day he said he wanted to move in to a new place with me.
    • Go to look at the place and all he keeps saying is how much work it is going to be for me and he will try to come over once and a while to give me a hand with all the painting.
  • A week ago he asked me if I would consider moving with him to Texas and living together.
    • Then he tells me he isn’t ready to live together a few days later!

Every single time he opens up emotionally the next action after that opening is an action that practically breaks my heart!  And with all of that every time I try to walk away it feels like I am stabbing myself in the heart and I cannot breath at all!  I have other guy options!  I wouldn’t be without sex!  I wouldn’t be lonely physically!

What is wrong with me!

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