I still, to this day, like how it was discussed in the movie Jerry Maguire:
Jerry: Can I ask you a question totally unrelated to your career?
Rod: Oh, we gonna be friends now?
Jerry: What do you know about dating a single mother?
Rod: Oh I know plenty. I was raised by a single mother.
Jerry: Tell me, because it’s been a month, and she’s about to take another job in San Diego.
Rod: First, single mothers don’t “date.” They have been to the circus, you know what I’m saying? They have been to the puppet show and they have seen the strings. You love her?
Jerry: How do I know?
Rod: You know when you know. It makes you shiver, it eats at your insides. You know?
Jerry: No, I don’t know.
Rod: Then you gotta have The Talk.
Jerry: But I sure don’t like that she’s leaving.
Rod: Well, that ain’t fair to her. A single mother, that’s a sacred thing, man.
Jerry: The kid is amazing.
Rod: No. A real man does not shoplift the “pooty” from a single mom.
Jerry: I didn’t “shoplift the pooty.” We were thrown together and — I mean it’s two mutual people who — Alright, I shoplifted the pooty.
Rod: Shame on you. SHAME on you.
With all that said and understood it is reasonable to start discussing this in technical and “REAL” terms.
The amount of single moms in our country continues to grow. Men are regularly walking away. Moms are walking away as well! No matter what the reason behind becoming a single mom it is the hardest job and is never ending! I was hurt, angry, depressed, and lost when I became a single mom. Was it technically by choice? Yes it was a choice I made for the safety and health of my children as well as myself. It was, however, the hardest choice I have ever made because I didn’t take the choice to be married and have children lightly. The choices I made were with all of my heart! As I embarked on single motherhood I was scared to do it all alone. (Many friends kept telling me I had always been doing it alone but I was still pretty scared.)
This brings us to the quotes above:
Single moms are different from single girls!
- We have been in the relationship. (long or short term)
- We have given birth to human beings!
- We have seen all the stupid games that guys play
- We have seen all the games that stupid females play
- We have been at the painful end of a family being destroyed
- We have had the dreams of what we want our children to grow up to be
- We have had the dreams of what life we want to give our children
- We have foreseen it all for our children!
We walked away from dreams for our children for reasons and now all we want is for our children to see a “real”, happy, and healthy life! We want our children to thrive.
The things we want for our children don’t happen if we are having relationships with men who are not long-term men in our lives.
Is it possible to date a single mom?
We date… but you don’t meet our kids. You don’t get to come home with us! You don’t get access to any of our lives under ANY circumstance! You are just a “fun” time!
If you are blessed enough to become “the guy” who gets to see our home it is ONLY because we foresee a future with you and our family!
The choice has to happen, however, you cannot play the half in and half out game with a single mom! We have been there! Seen that! We are over it! You cannot meet the kids, build with the kids, build with the single mom and think you don’t have to in any way commit!
Commit or don’t join!
Drink the kool aid or don’t but with single moms you can’t have your cake and eat it too! You either get the full enchilada or you get NONE!