Today I started packing up my life or what is left of the 41 years I have lived so far. This is heart wrenching but the best thing for all of us!
If I am being honest I am full of terror at all that can go wrong but also all that can go right! I mean am I really prepared for more happy and less freak out panic/crisis? Can I really be this person? A person who lives in a nice house without a guy in my life helping to support my house dreams? Am I really the girl who can be a COMPLETELY single mom of 3 little kids living in a place that is beautiful and full of a life?
What if I cannot handle the money situation of it? I technically can but what if I lose my mind and all of a sudden cannot handle it? I have nobody to help me fix anything if I break it! I am ALONE! I will be completely fucked! Seriously screwed and I have no rescue net! ONLY me!!!
I am saying my prayers because I would love to live in this place but I am also saying my prayers that if I do get it I am strong enough emotionally, mentally, physically, completely to manage all that this will take to be “this person” who is worthy of “this life” and worthy of all of it on my own without a guy who is demanding that he is worth it!
This is for the kids and I not just me and not just them! I need this too but since I don’t typically push for what I need that makes this more terrifying for me that this is me pushing for MYSELF!
Wish me luck…