My son, 20 year old, came into my room tonight overly excited that his apartment was approved and he would be moving next week! I am going to explain the two pieces of myself that were in this situation.
Part 1: Mom part
This part of my was thrilled and proud of him. He is finally going to try to have a life of his own without me. Awesome that he set his mind to this and then went and got it for himself. He is, hopefully, going to grow tremendously and have a ton of fun! I can’t wait to watch from the side and see all of his adventures unfold. xoxoxox
Part 2: Other part
This part of me is furious that I am in my 40’s and alone! He was, on some days, the only real life adult contact I had! He would tell me all about his day before he went to bed. I would ask him about his stuff and he would tell me and ask me for advice. When I was having extremely lonely periods of time he would hug me and tell me he was here! We would have movie nights and watch scary movies together. We would analyze movie plots, characters, and more while laughing at how stupid people are for running up the stairs etc!
I am already suffering from a severe bought of depression that is borderline suicidal thought filled and now he is leaving home. I need to be strong for him and give him the love and reinforcement that he can do this and will be successful but I am heartbroken and terrified for myself as well.
I wish this depression that is eating me alive would get better!