For starters lets discuss the back story…
My biological Mom is Natalie. She didn’t graduate high school and didn’t finish the 11th grade. She was addicted to drugs and started using around 12-13 but possibly earlier from how our few conversations made it sound. She had me in 1978 the month of Lilacs in Rochester, NY. She was not around much after I was a toddler. When I was 17 and pregnant with my daughter I was craving information about her and wanted to meet her. I took a bus across the country to meet her. She was awful to me. She was emotionally needy and I wanted to leave. Things were bad and I don’t want to really discuss it here and now but I ended up needing the police and emergency help to get back home to Rochester, NY. We had really no contact again until I was in my 30’s. Her mother called me out of the blue asking me to help her daughter, Natalie. I agreed to pay for Natalie to come stay with me and I would help her get off and stay off drugs. She came, she was emotionally draining and then stole from the store and got arrested. I sent her back home to Arizona. She cried at me and begged me to understand she was innocent. (I had watched the security footage of her putting some things in her pocket instead of in the shopping cart)
I was fine until about a year later when Natalie called me balling on the phone and needed a place to stay. I covered her travel and brought her back to my house to try and build herself a new life. That turned into a disaster again! She was always so emotionally needy. She acted like she wanted me to parent her and I already had 2 kids that I was parenting. I didn’t want to parent her. I sent her back to her mother’s house in a horribly aggressive fit of get the fuck out of my house!
Then again a few years later she called and NEEEEEEEEEDED me to rescue her. It was the last time I would rescue her! She came to my house, lived with me, cried at me constantly, snuck out in the middle of the night having sex with a married man, woke up all my kids (5) at 3 am when she would try to sneak back in. Then I left my husband and he was removed from the house by the police after abusing our youngest daughter. Natalie tried to turn the situation into an opportunity to have a better relationship with me. My oldest daughter moved back in to be with me while I was emotionally wrecked. Natalie pulled her aside and demanded she leave the house and not come back. Natalies words exactly: “You need to go back to your own house! I can’t have the relationship I want with your mom if you are here. She won’t talk to me or lean on me if you are here for her!” (My daughter who has always been my best friend. I had her at 18 and in many ways we grew up together!) My daughter told her she needed to leave! I was struggling to pick myself up and keep things together for all of my family including myself… I could NOT take care of a grown adult. Natalie then told the family that I had locked her out of the bathrooms, locked her out of the fridge, and was abusing her! My daughter paid for her to leave and that was it. My kids didn’t want her around anymore and neither did I.
My therapist said that because she started drugs so young she probably was emotionally and mentally stunted. I couldn’t see it until I got out of all the emotional, mental, and physically abusive situations I was in!
Since the last time she was here I have only allowed a very superficial relationship. This limited her access to us to Facebook ONLY. A few months ago I got a Facebook call from her stating that her daughters husband was beating her and she needed my help. Then a few months later I received another FB call from her that the guy she was engaged to was beating her and she needed my help. Then just 2 months ago she FB called me crying that she needed a caretaker (according to the doctors) and her 2 daughters wouldn’t help her… Could I help her please she was crying. I said NO! I finally understood, in my heart, that I needed to keep MYSELF the priority. I have 5 kids that need me to be healthy and happy! I DESERVE TO BE THE PRIORITY IN MY LIFE! (HOLY FUCKBALLS it took forever to have an inkling of that thought and feeling in myself!)
I hadn’t heard from her since until last night. It was her birthday yesterday and knowing how she is I decided I would forego the drama and send her a happy birthday message on FB. To which she responded with: I’m so glad my other daughters don’t act like you! WTF does that mean exactly? I was really upset and was going to respond but decided to call Leo and discuss it with him first. I then realized me responding would only give her the drama she was seeking so I said nothing more…
Then my daughter went off on her and said: excuse me?? I’m sorry but I’m pretty sure my mom has done nothing but support you even when you stole from a store when you were living with her and the took $300 from MY BOYFRIEND and never paid it back and has always been your backup plan. FUCK THAT! Your other kids are fucking bums who don’t know how to get out of an abusive relationship and the other is like a crack addict. Please do not disrespect my mother like that.
I felt the need to end the drama right here so I told my daughter publicly that this wasn’t worth the time. Let it go. She agreed she was done and she blocked Natalie. The night was going to be great!
I then took my 3 little kids to the park, we had some cookie cake, played, we were all being silly until my phone bleeped at me from FB. Natalie’s daughter, Cortnie Anne, decided she was going to chime in hours later and say how she loves her mom and don’t let myself and my daughter ruin her day. That was it! It was on! All I had done was say very simply Happy Birthday. I said NOTHING ELSE!
At this point I became a person who was not only angry in defense of my daughter but angry in defense of myself! I responded with furious rage and volatile/hateful language. (This is my forum of truth and honesty so here it is all in it’s horrible hateful reality!) (NOTE: I have NEVER actually spoken to this Cortnie person. No FB conversations, No phone conversations, No RL conversations… NOTHING! I met her once when I was like 6 and that is the extent of her knowing me.)
M: YOU ARE TRASH. I SAID NOTHING OTHER THAN HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO SOMEONE WHO ABANDONED ME AS A BABY!
M: Your mouth is always fowl like your mother so why don’t you butt out. I corrected my daughter!!!
C: ur hubby left u. U r trash
M: He didn’t leave me you ignorant fucktard! You mother is a liar. I have never lied about my life!!!
C: Go somewhere with ur shit. Ur pathetic looking for someone to like ur dumbass OK sure. My mother is amazing. U ain’t got shit. So go away. Nothing but drama everytime u write
M: I said happy birthday!!! How is that drama you trashy scum sucker!!!
It continued to get worse… My mouth was running away with hate and I was seeing it all come out of me… GOD, help me regain control of myself before I cannot live with my own behavior!!! I stopped and blocked them all! I was OUT but cried all night long because I had been so hateful and hurtful for pure spite and because I could! Sure they had hurt me but I pride myself on rising above the bad behavior of others and not joining in on the BS. I am a better person and really didn’t behave that way. I had hurt myself! I hurt my soul. I made myself sick. I didn’t sleep at all because of this interaction… WTF is wrong with me and why couldn’t I just let it go?
Why did I insist if I said enough awful things maybe they would feel how they always make me feel? Why is it okay for them to lie, cheat, steal, hurt, abuse and have no realization that I am NOT the person they portray me as. Why is it okay for me to in every way take care of Natalie when it is convenient for her but not okay to tell her daughters the truth about it!
I need to change the trajectory of my weekend because my kids are 6 tomorrow and deserve a FUN weekend not a mommy who is hurting over BS.