I started this year knowing I was emotionally ready to date and so I took the plunge.  I didn’t really do a lot of dating around before I met Leo.  Our first date was spectacular and we hit it off!  He was all in and so was I!  We were exclusive and then he was sleeping with someone else.  I chased.  (Yeah I realized this over the past few months in relationships: I am the chaser)

Is being the chaser in life every a good thing?  Are there things that come out of it that could be considered positive?

I feel like I never know if someone really wants to be with me.

Does my force of nature just suck people in and then keep them with my chasing and enormous heart?  I am tired of not knowing if someone wants to actually be with me or if they feel trapped and stuck with me because I am a chaser and force of nature…

How do I figure these things out?

I honestly believe I have never had a relationship that doesn’t have some type of abuse involved.  Even my relationship this year with Leo was speckled with abusive type moments.

Leo regularly tells me about how much he did for every other girl he dated but refuses to bring me a flower picked from a yard… a dandelion, a blade of grass!  (I don’t care about how much he spends or how much it costs to do it…  it is about the point of doing something…  ANYTHING to show me some sweetness)  Oh and yes, he is great with my kids!  Shows up for the things they need, helps with transportation to sports and stuff…  but there is something missing.  It is the feelings towards me!  He doesn’t have the feelings towards me…  With me it has been said and it is clearly felt that if I left tomorrow that would be quite alright!  Ummm, that doesn’t make a girl feel wanted!  I need to feel wanted!

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