Tomorrow morning I am going in for a CT scan on my head. With the migraines progressively getting worse, the vertigo, and now experiencing an explosion in the same spot every time I orgasm the doctor wanted an immediate scan done.
I am terrified because I don’t do well when I am not in complete control of my body. <– the reason I never tried drugs and don’t really ever drink! The need to always be in control of everything in my life bubble. 🙂
Oh… and truth be told because of my childhood abuse I am severely claustrophobic.
What happens when I go into these machines detailed:
If you have never been in one of these machines let me start by telling you there are many moments when it is completely SILENT!!!!! They stop talking to you and all you hear is the machine working while you are laying there completely still. Ummm yeah… so my mind wanders off in a panic to the movie: The Stand… I envision that during the silence a viral apocalypse has hit our country and to be more precise it hit the people in charge of me being locked in that room and machine! I am trapped there! Nobody is around to rescue me or save me from the machine and room. I start to panic. I am talking panic to the point of not being able to feel my body parts! I cannot feel my arms, legs, torso, or anything else. All I feel in the moment is the extreme panic that continues to grow and take control of every part of my body!
These feelings are enough to make me continuously avoid ever having to do anything in those rooms! No X-Rays, No CT scans, NONE of it ever! The last time they had to knock me out in order to get me near the machine. Tomorrow I will be injected with the contrast and scanned.
Wish a girl luck! Although I prayed to God for years that I would get and die from a brain tumor I don’t want to die now. I love my kids so much I wouldn’t want them to live a life without my heart. I do however hope they find something that can be repaired so maybe I will stop being in so much constant pain. Possibly be allowed to have sex again!