Bipolar meds start this week

After my recent diagnosis with bipolar I have now been put on medication to help stabilize my moods.  Meds are:  Oxycarbazepine for the mood swings and hydroxyzine for anxiety.

I hate the idea of taking any medications let alone mood related chemicals.

If I am being honest I am scared to loose the manic side of my personality!  The manic me is amazing!  Manic me is funny, outgoing, can do ANYTHING!, brilliant, a spectacular ball of awesomeness!  I am terrified of loosing manic me!

MM (Manic Me) has tried new things!

MM is sexually adventurous!

MM is never exhausted!

MM is super duper at being a human being!

MM is a great friend!

MM is supportive of everyone in my life!

MM doesn’t NEED anyone or anything!

MM has no fear of ANYTHING ever!

MM has no anxiety.

MM has no depression!

MM is just the best version of me ever that I could be.

There are some downsides to MM.  I tend to go spend crazy.  I end up getting myself in over my head especially as MM is starting to crash down into depression.  MM has done some sex related things that scare mid-line or depressed me.

Do I really want to medically kill MM?

I am honestly not sure yet.  I am told that there is a middle version of myself that will encompass the MM and depressed me.  The middle version of myself will have some of my best MM traits but also has the emotions from the depression side.

God, I hope this works.


  1. It’s just that when you’re manic for too long your body slowly gets more and more toxic. Less sleep, less rest for your brain, less stability, and suddenly you’re trying to conquer the world and cure cancer and all this stuff when really you just need to finish your homework.

  2. Author

    I have never thought of it that way! Very interesting perspective. I have gone days without sleep and become extremely ill from it.
    I even once drove from NY to California in 2 days 7 hours flat. My body was never the same.
    Thank you for your input!

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