When I say I am lonely…

All of my friends tell me I am not lonely.  My therapist tells me I am angry and it makes the loneliness feel bigger.  My Ma always said I am not lonely because I have all my kids.

I have always had moments of feeling alone.  I have experienced relationships where I actually was more alone than with the guy I was living with.  I have been with a room of people and felt alone.

My loneliness is NOT physical…  it is emotional.

I am a 40 something, single mom, nobody to share my day with when I get in bed at night…  nobody to celebrate milestones with…  nobody to laugh with about the crazy things my kids do every day…  nobody to cook with in the kitchen…  nobody to share the load…  nobody to argue with about the stupid life stuff…  nobody to plan with…  nobody to love today, tomorrow, and next week.

You know, that person who is in this life with you!

My mind and heart never expected that I would just “find” a guy who would be my perfect person.  I am to much of a realist for any of that bologna.  I do however believe that there is a person who exists that will be complimentary for my heart and we could grow together.

By grow together I mean:  Not only will we build a life together (grow) but that we will also emotionally grow together.  We will become each others person.  Because if we are being completely honest I know that there are days when you wake up next to your person and just want to punch them in the face for all the years of stupid bullshit.

Where is the guy who will become my person.

A guy who will see all of me and love me…  the good parts, bad parts, sad parts, broken parts, awesome part, goofy parts.  All of me.

I am praying for the guy who will share a life with me.  Praying for the guy who will become my “one”.  Praying for the guy who will see my worth and work to make things work.

1 Comment

  1. I wish loneliness weren’t such a common part of the human experience :(. It must be so hard being a single mom (especially with a scary ex) — childrearing is hard enough with two people. And it seems like people often just don’t understand singles…it’s always “have you tried online dating” or “stop looking and you’ll find him”, easy to say when you are happily married. I hope you find your “one” soon and that it’s a wonderful relationship!

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