Abortion is a completely loaded topic! People constantly fight over the morality of it. There are arguments about my body my choice, when is a fetus actually a baby, is it murder, is it moral, is it against religious beliefs…

I will start by saying this:

I have had an abortion. Am I proud of this fact? I am beyond mortified at the idea of anyone ever knowing that I had an abortion.

Now I will also say this: I was raised Roman Catholic. I was in a youth group. I was always part of a church community until I left my childhood home. I to this day believe in a greater being… is it a god? I am unsure. I do however have beliefs of something more than this life we are living.

I have a moral code that is deeply ingrained into my soul and it guides every choice I make currently, have made in the past, and will make moving forward in my life. My moral code is what I believe this country’s moral code began as: You do unto others as you would have done unto you. Basically you treat everyone how you would want to be treated. Does this guarantee you will be treated in kind? Not at all but you have to live with your behaviors not the other guys behaviors. You have to be able to look in the mirror and still love yourself in the morning. You need to know that you tried your hardest to do the right things, the honest things, the decent human being things. That is your part of the moral code.

In 2002, I had an abortion.

My best friend from childhood to current and I were in a relationship. I will probably touch on that at a later time but by the time I realized I was pregnant we had dissolved our relationship. A year prior to this pregnancy he had a vasectomy which made this feel like a miracle! This baby was meant to be! I had made the wrong choice throwing Anthony away and this was the universes way of telling me to make things right. We were having a baby! When I called him and shared the news with him I was greeted with disbelief and became more heartbroken that I thought possible. Devastated, emotionally broken, and shoved by his father and my father I decided to look into my options.

I already loved this child! 2 months pregnant and I was already completely in love! How could I not be in love with this baby… it was a product of what in my 30’s and 40’s I would refer to as the greatest love of my life. This child would have been brilliant, beautiful, amazing, the center of every universe it came into contact with.

I made the choice after a lot of prompting from our fathers to have an abortion.

What people don’t tell you is this: Having an abortion eliminates the fetus/child. Having an abortion is YOUR choice no matter what the political arena tells you. Having an abortion also scars you for life in the emotional and mental health areas! Sure you get up and go home feeling relatively alright. Absolutely you can go right back to work. Oh yeah you move right on with your life that keeps going on with or without you! But… You never are right inside yourself after that choice has come to fruition.

Another thing people never honestly discuss about this is it IS A LOSS! (If you are not using abortions as a contraceptive) This is a huge loss! You will feel the emotional trauma of that loss. You will live with it. It will come up when you think of the future and what could be or could have been. That child with be a lingering memory of that guy you loved with everything for more of your life than not! That child with rip your relationship apart and possibly also bring it together all at the same time. You will need mourning time and there are no ways to get around it! You will hate yourself for the choice but also love yourself for the choice because it was what was needed by all involved.

This choice WILL haunt you if you have any kind of a soul.

This choice WILL be a part of the fibers ingrained inside yourself.

This would have been your child that you discarded into some medical waste container!

And with all of that said… I still believe that it is every females right to choose!

Oh and BTW… When Anthony realized what I had done and had come to the realization we had actually gotten pregnant he never forgave me! It broke his heart that I made the choice to have an abortion. I destroyed a part of myself, a part of my best friend, and threw away a life…

Can you live with that choice?

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