Life of abuse and neglect…

As I sit here in my 40’s I am reflecting constantly about my past.  What are the major events that brought me to this life?  Was there one major moment that if I had chosen the left path my life would look absolutely opposite and would I want it to be different?

There was that moment when I was 15 and left home in a crazy fit of determination.

Or that moment of God like behavior that I knew better than the love of my life, best friend, and best guy I knew…

Maybe it was that moment when my ex-husband physically hurt my son?

Even still it could have been that moment when my ex-husband hurt our baby daughter.

It is so strange to think about life as single major events and then wonder about how my reaction to those events could have changed the trajectory of everything.

I did say a long time ago that if I would have had that baby 17 years ago I wouldn’t have ended up with my ex-husband.  Then I wouldn’t have had my last 3 kids.  My life was full then…  Possibly in another universe that is what my life looks like and I have been married for 15 years now and am living my best life with unimaginable joy every day.

In this life…  I have no partner in life, I have the 3 younger kids…  Although I wish for a life partner, in this life I couldn’t imagine not having my youngest 3 kids!  How could my life have ever been complete without the smiles they give me every day!  It is all crazy thoughts but also intriguing.

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