Black and white:

I think of relationships like this…

If a couple loves each other  ->   I love you, think you love me.

If a couple can agree on the fundamentals (not in order of importance):

  • Lifestyle (Housing, cleanliness, personal hygiene, etc)
  • Children (parenting styles, discipline, priorities, etc)
  • Future (goals for individual dreams, goals for together dreams, etc)
  • Money (Spending, saving, financial priorities, etc)
  • Communication, morals, compromise

These things typically can create a relationship that lasts if both people are being completely honest about it all.

I want a significant other.  To me that means a person who comes home to me at night.  I come home to them at night.  They are 100% invested in me and us.  I am 100% invested in them and us.  We are invested in any children that are involved. 

I want to be kissed every day.  This is part of the significant other piece…  It is part of the wind-down part of a night. 

I want that night connection…  when you are getting in bed after a day and are just randomly talking about your things from the day… 

I want someone who I know for a fact has me in the plan for what they are doing for the next year.  Someone who sees the possibilities of what we can be together and wants to try to make those possibilities become reality.

I want someone who knows that even when they have a meltdown on vacation, we will be okay if we keep communicating and working on what causes the meltdown.

I want someone who knows that life wouldn’t be the same if I was gone and reminds me of that like I remind the people in my life of that.  (like when you call and are actually already downstairs waiting to surprise me with your handsome face)

I want someone who wants to plan with me…  even if we don’t do all of the plans…  sometime the fun is in the planning! 

I might not have all my life exactly where I want it…  but I do know what I want from a partner in life.  I want that person who won’t let me go because I won’t let them go either!  I might not know exactly where I want to be in a year but I did know that I wanted it to be with us growing and building together. 

When I say I am not your choice it is because I want you to miss me if we aren’t falling asleep together the way I miss you.  I want someone who wants to call me 1st when something big is possibly on the table.  I want to be part of the decision instead of the afterthought. 

I want someone who knows that if they fall, I will help pick them up and stand if needed.  They will do the same for me. 

I want a best friend who just so happens to be the guy in bed next to me every night!

My Ma always said why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free…  It took me many years and you to understand that statement.

Why should you do more when I accept everything how it is now.

We just did one of the hardest trips for couples who have been together any amount of time and I feel like we broke down some walls between us.  It hurt, was tough, stressful, emotional…  but we are on the other side of it and I couldn’t be prouder of how we pulled the communication out of situations that could have ended our trip/relationship.

With that said…  You don’t ever want to discuss Val.  Great, fine, dandy…  we won’t but for me to put it to bed I need to completely clear the slate of it all.  FULL PURGE!

Here it is:

HOW FUCKING DARE YOU BREAK MY TRUST THE WAY THAT YOU DID!

HOW DARE YOU CHANGE THE TERMS OF OUR CONTRACT WITH NO DISCUSSION!

HOW DARE YOU CHANGE HOW YOU LOOKED AT ME, THOUGHT ABOUT ME, FELT ABOUT ME in a way that has negatively impacted us!

How dare you spout out things about not doing things to hurt others, but you ripped us apart by having sex with someone else! 

How dare you change us!!!  Talking about what we could do together, a life we could have, things we could experience together and with the kids, and everything ONLY TO THEN RIP IT AWAY!  SHOW ME A DREAM OF POSSIBILITIES WITH THE GUY I WAS FALLING FOR AND THEN PULL IT AWAY AND NEVER GIVE THAT BACK…  The dreams of loving me, dreams of having a family with me, dreams of being a long-term us!

YOU DID THAT!  YOU DIDN’T ASK MY PERMISSION!  YOU DIDN’T THINK OF ME AT ALL!  YOU NEVER EVEN LOOKED ME IN THE EYES AND ADMITTED HOW MUCH YOU HURT ME!  YOU LET IT DISAPPEAR INSTEAD OF ALLOWING US TO PROCESS THE DESTRUCTION! 

Then pictures of naked females you had whatever with on your phone, and folders of females on your phone…

I had moments of terror especially after you had sex with someone else…  I wanted to destroy us for you.  I knew if I had sex with someone else, I wouldn’t be able to take the hurt back.  How it would make you feel betrayed, unwanted, unloved, unchosen, but none of those things hurt us as much as, like I said above, how you changed after it!  You used to call me just to: hey what ya doing?  Christina, do I call you too much?  I just wanted to hear your voice!  I was thinking about you!

NOW, we don’t talk all afternoon and night.  Then some nights you don’t even want to talk before bed!

And with everything that is going on and the choice that was on the table never once did you think of the possibilities you had here with me!  The possibilities of building a life with me!  A life together!  An us life!

I know that none of what I am saying will change anything you are doing but now the air has been cleared and you fucking someone else won’t come up again… 

Now, I have said my peace… 

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